honour your parents?

at first glance, i would think my parents would be happy with this post.
on second, they might be a little upset by the photos proving a) i wear my beanie better than my dad, and b) my mother has a perpetual fear that the carnations may try to eat her.
on third glance, they would stop reading this, because Oliver O'Donovan* has made me rethink the 5th commandment.

Honour your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land the LORD your God gives you.
Exodus 20:12

up until now, i'd always understood this being as being directed to children (my parents loved to quote this one at my sister), it being about respecting your parents, giving them their due honour.
but as O'Donovan argues, this is actually a commandment directed at parents.
They have a duty, he says, to sustain this act of cultural transmission, as learned by their parents, and their parents before them. The role of children in this society is not then to be obedient, but rather it is the parents' to teach their children what it is to be obedient.

Funny things you learn from your mama,
like the way to throw your head back when your swallowing pills
Funny things you learn from your papa,
like when you're talking you just can't keep your hands still
Ben Harper, Burn to Shine

indeed there are always things we learn from our parents, both good and bad. but, generally speaking, they did their best, to install in us what they felt was important. and this not necessarily for their sake, so they could boast in us, but for our sake, and for continuity's sake.

i am always impressed by the way my parents have worked at obeying this commandment, as they taught, instructed, and modelled to me. i am also impressed at the way they redeemed, where they needed, what was flawed that they learned from their parents.

Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.
Hebrews 12:9-10

as Christians, there is much we learn from our earthly parents, but what we most learn as of most importance, and pass on as of utmost importance, is what we learn from our heavenly father. to pass this on to the next generation, that they may fear the Lord their God, who brought them out of Egypt, out of slavery to the Lord of this world, and promises them an inheritance that will not rot or waste away, is what every generation needs to know from their parents. and in that, your parents, and God, are honoured.

* in his book, Common Objects of Love