procrastination, heresy, and navel-gazing.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

fave bible verses

well, at least ones that make me chuckle:

  1. ‘Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.’
    (Acts 26:14)

    it was particularly funny until i actually looked up 'goads' in the dictionary, but i still giggle

  2. [Elisha] went up from there to Bethel, and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” And he turned around, and when he saw them, he cursed them in the name of the Lord. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys. From there he went on to Mount Carmel, and from there he returned to Samaria.
    (2 Kings 2:23-25)

    i'm not sure if it's the 'go up', the 'baldhead', or the 'she-bears' that particularly gets me. or the way the story just continues on, completely disregarding the fact 42 youths have just been mauled!

  3. I wish those who unsettle you would emasculate themselves!

    (Galations 5:12)

    reminds me of a joke. which i shan't tell. about a blind rabbi.

got any others to contribute?

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Blogger bec said...

That 2 Kings one is hilarious! I don't think I've ever read that before. All the things you highlighted are gold, but also the fact that there were more than 42 boys yelling "Go up, you baldhead!"

10:04 pm  
Blogger TIM 帝木 said...

There's also the story of Elijah in 1 Kings 18 where he challenges 450 prophets of Baal to a my God vs your god duel. Elijah's use of sarcasm is fantastic. Definitely the best sarcasm in the bible

7:59 am  
OpenID nathanjameslee said...

I've always thought Acts 20:7-12 was pretty funny: a man falling asleep during Paul's preaching ends up falling out the window and down three storeys to his death! (Don't worry, he's raised to life straight afterwards.)

10:40 am  
Blogger Mark said...

Acts 26:14 is best read in the King James. Nick Cave put me onto that one!

7:43 pm  
Blogger Mark said...

Third album title.

7:44 pm  
Blogger Mark said...

Other KJV gems include the "naughty verses":

Superfluity of naughtiness ...

James 1:21 - "Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls."

And the naughty figs ...

Jeremiah 24:2 - "One basket had very good figs, even like the figs that are first ripe: and the other basket had very naughty figs, which could not be eaten, they were so bad."

For sheer wackiness though I like the insatiable speaking leeches ...

Proverbs 30:15 - "The leech has two daughters. 'Give! Give!' they cry."

What the?! Ancient Hebrew humour?

7:54 pm  

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