procrastination, heresy, and navel-gazing.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Happy Invasion Day

or Happy Australia Day, depending on how you like to see history.
yes, that's right, 220 years of colonisation of this great nation.

to commemorate the occasion, one of my favourite presenters on local ABC, Richard Glover, wrote this celebratory piece in yesterday's Herald.

here are my favourite pickings:

You know you're Australian if …

  1. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
  2. You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.
  3. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.
  4. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.
  5. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.
  6. When you hear that an American "roots for his team" you wonder how often and with whom.
  7. You understand that the phrase "a group of women wearing black thongs" refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
  8. You can translate: "Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas."
  9. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
  10. You call your best friend "a total bastard" but someone you really, truly despise is just "a bit of a bastard".
  11. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
  12. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.
  13. You understand that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga" but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".
  14. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.
  15. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.
  16. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
  17. You understand that "you" has a plural and that it's "youse".
  18. You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.
  19. You still think of Kylie (Minogue) as "that girl off Neighbours".
  20. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.
  21. You believe the phrase "smart casual" refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.
  22. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.
  23. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
  24. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

Happy Australia Day.



Blogger Elsie said...

I loved that article by Richard Glover! I cracked up when I read it.

9:48 pm  
Blogger Elsie said...

Just wanted to add the one about calling Melbourne "Mel-bin".

10:19 pm  
Blogger deb-o-raw said...

haha, hilarious stuff!

7:06 pm  
Anonymous Guido said...

Hahahah -so true- at least some of it. I liked the "2$ vs. 1$ coin"-part the most :)

cheers guido

8:28 pm  

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